Today

Today I watched as Gracie ran across the schoolyard and into her classroom door. Normally, she wants me to walk her to the door, but today in a burst of confidence, she crossed the parking lot and playground by herself while I stayed behind and watched at the curb. She was wearing a simple white dress and her blue sweater. As she ran her red curls streamed behind her and shone in the bright sunlight. I felt so many emotions in an instant. Joy at watching her strong, young body run. Amazement that this beautiful, vibrant girl is here. She is mine, yet I am painfully aware that she doesn't belong to me...her physical presence in my daily life is fleeting and will all too soon be gone. She will grow up, move away...be gone.

I wish there was a way to package all of the memories I have of her (and all my children). Bottle them up, wrap them and protect them. Then someday in the distant future when I am old and they are grown, I could take them out and let them sit with me a while. When my children have children of their own, when their lives take them away from me for moments, days or weeks I will have the memories, perfectly intact and preserved, to remind me of the joy, the fun, the work...oh, they are work. I wish I could freeze time if only for an instant to really take them in, love them, adore them.

As Gracie neared her classroom door, she turned her head ever so slightly and peeked out of the corner of her eyes to make sure mommy was watching as promised. I was, with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.